Life goals, struggles, and realizations

So, you'd think that after having a week's paid vacation I'd come back to work refreshed and ready to get at it right? Absolutely not what happened. Over the week, my mom and I had several heart to heart conversations dealing with my future. I already have my BA in Communication Design, but don't like any of my job prospects in that field, so I have decided that my best option is to further my education in a more specific field, one that I can really get down and dirty and fall in love with my job. Interior design is the current choice. I've talked a lot about going to a local community college to get my AA in Interior Design, but during these heart to hearts my mom expressed her concern with my going backwards in the education field when I could spend my time getting my masters in the same field. After spending several hours searching online for Masters programs in Interior Design, I got really flustered and nervous. Would I have the skills necessary to succeed in the ID field having no particular background in that area? Would I put my heart into it and still not succeed? All of which got me really frustrated, and left me feeling like I'm still missing something.

So instead of masters programs, I began the search for BS in Interior Design. I found a credible online program through the Art Institute of Pittsburgh, but the price of it is OUTRAGEOUS! I'd love to say that I could justify the cost, but I'm really not sure I can. I'm working full-time and coaching, and comfortably breaking even (with some room to spare) each month. Taking part in this program would put me at an uncomfortable position financially, and that isn't something I can handle.

I feel like I'm at a fork in the road of life, and I have no idea what either of the paths will lead me towards. I feel absolutely lost. My job does not give me a lot of satisfaction, but its a paycheck, which is more than a lot of people can bring home at the end of the day. I'm happy that I'm employed and I like the people I work with but I strive to do something that leaves me feeling fulfilled, not bored out of my mind.

Here is a list of things I'd love to accomplish in life but not sure I am up for the challenge :
1) Interior Design/Drafting
+ I have always wanted to design a home. I know exactly how I want my first house laid out, and know most of how I want it decorated and designed
+ I'm ABSOLUTELY obsessed with the HGTV's show Hidden Potential...making something beautiful from something awful excites me
- Requires more school, and more money that I don't have at the moment.
- I have no idea if I'd even be any good at this...the fear of failure haunts me!
2) Real Estate
+ I think helping someone find the home of their dreams would be amazing and ultimately very fulfilling
+ I can't wait to own my own home, and I'm obsessed with the shows : Property Virgins, and My First Home
- Bad real estate market
- No steady income, only make money when you sell a home
3) Web Design
+ I went to school for this, and have already worked on two websites that are available online
+ Time flies when I am designing a website
- My computer sucks, and I don't own any quality web design software = $$$$$
- I fear that I am no more creative than the next guy...again fear of failure
4) Antique Store owner
+ I love old, authentic barns found in the midwest, and would love to refurbish one and turn it into a store of some kind
- $$$$$$$$$
5) Photographer
+ Again, goes back to my love of barns and old abandoned buildings, I think there is something beautiful and romantic about the wear and tear an old barn has gone through, the many tasks that have taken place through the years in that one building
+ I did my final project for photography class on barns, would love to further it and photograph more and produce a book
- My camera is only mediocre = $$$
- Many people don't see the beauty in these buildings and let them fall down or tear them down as a result of their lack of knowledge and thought

Well, I think thats it for now. Sorry it's so long...just trying to get all my thoughts down on "paper." Comments are welcome! Happy Tuesday!

Snow, Snow, Go Away!!!!

Well...the weatherman/woman was 100% incorrect in their forecast for the day. So wrong in fact that they continued, at 11:30 a.m., to say that the snow would begin to fall around noon. However, if they had, in fact, looked out their window anytime in the previous 3-4 hours they would have seen little white things, aka SNOWFLAKES, falling from the sky. How frustrating is that? I mean honestly, I realize that they can't always be right, but COME ON PEOPLE!! You tell me its not going to snow for another half hour but yet its been snowing for the past 4 hours... I swear, some days I could be a better weather person than most out there. It reminds me of the end of the movie "Mean Girls" where Karen, the lovely ditz of the movie becomes a weather woman following high school graduation. Her diagnostic tool used to predict the weather was her "chest" and she exclaims as she grasps them tightly that, "There is a 33% chance that it is already raining...." as the rain falls heavily on her "empty" head.

Have you ever "popped a nerve?" I think that is what I did today as I attempted to lift an accordion folder full of paper out of a desktop organizer. As I grasped it to lift it out, I felt a huge snapping sensation in my hand which caused me to drop the folder. Since then I've had a loss of sensation in my hand and pain in a few of my fingers as well as on the outside of my wrist. It's so very painful!!

Well, I've officially accomplished absolutely nothing at work today, and am now off to the President's house for a christmas get together! Happy snow day to all of you who won't have to work tomorrow because of the massive amounts of snow! I envy you! See you on the flip side!

My lil' Buddy....

So, Jake and I got a kitten a few months back and I absolutely love him to death. We brought him back from my parents' farm, he was one of my dad's chosen kittens of the summer. He lovingly named him Buddy. At first he was very standoff-ish. Cried constantly the weekend I got him. Who could blame him, I tore him away from his mom and all his little kitty friends. I truly feared that he would never acclimate himself to indoor living.

Now, two months down the road, he's totally, 100%, spoiled R-O-T-T-E-N, rotten! Yesterday I woke up to poop all over the floor. The first time he's ever had an "accident." He's helped himself to the table several times, even snatching food off my roommate's plate when she left it unattended. Just minutes ago while I was washing some dishes, he discovered that he could easily jump from the table to the ledge on the counter. The minute I turned my back to start a movie, he got up enough nerve to try it. Before I could stop him, he was already in midair. I grabbed him before he jumped into the still wet sink. I set him down, tapped him in an attempt to detour him from doing it again, but minutes later he did it again, and then a third time. What a little sh!t.


I can't get mad at him though. I mean look at that face. He's such a little sweetheart too. He loves to be held and carried like a baby, and he's a total cuddle bunny. I'm not sure I can imagine life without him. I'll forever forgive the things he does, and go on loving him.

What goes through some peoples' heads?

I swear, people never cease to amaze me. I'm usually a very patient, tolerant person, but today a certain person just put me over the edge. She wasn't talking to me, but she didn't care who heard the entire 20 minute rant she had about how awful people are and how ridiculous everything at this institution is, so I listened, intently, as she progressed from calm to insanely out of control. I was absolutely trying my hardest not to laugh but to face the window and continue on with my work. I could feel the tension in the room from my co-workers. The things she was spouting out had absolutely nothing to do with anything we handle in the office, she was literally talking just to vent. At one point I had finished my stack of files and got up to return them to their home and get some new. As I walked through a doorway I made eye contact with another student who had entered the office to take care of some business. I immediately felt sorry for him that he was unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time and had to hear her utter ridiculous accusations. He just gave me a nervous look and returned his gaze to the floor. I don't blame him, if I were him I would've turned around and come back later.

In other areas of my life, can I just say, TGIF! This week has been fairly quick in passing but last weekend was so packed with activities that I cannot WAIT until I can sleep in tomorrow and just lay around with my little fluff ball all day. Unfortunately Jake can't be included in the snuggling, but he's lucky enough to see my best friend tomorrow, so I'm jealous! We had our office Christmas party on Tuesday and since then I've been in the holiday spirit. I think I may finish shopping tomorrow, although I only have a few things left to do in preparation. Purchase a couple things for Jake, burn a cd for my dad, wrap a couple gifts for my mom, think of and buy a gift for my boss, and decide what to do for my grandparents, thats it. Maybe I'll also take some time to write in my christmas cards that I vowed I would do this year. Wow! Kind of sounds like I won't get as much lounging around done as I had originally planned. Oh well, its better to be busy, right? Well I'm gonna finish a few things up before lunch. Possibly more this afternoon.

A day trip down memory lane...one year ago!

So, I've never done this before, blogging that is, so be patient with me as I get myself used to the world of blog. I've always considered starting a blog, but usually talked myself out of it thinking that no one would ever want to read about my boring life. Well, today, my good friend, introduced me to her blog and convinced me that its a better alternative to hitting the home button on facebook a thousand times an hour to check and see what everyone else is doing in their lives at this very second. So, here I am, starting a blog. Wondering what it is that I'll find to write about each day, or twice a day, or more, who knows!

Today I was thinking about the upcoming December graduation here on campus. It's the oddest and almost disturbing feeling knowing that I literally graduated college one year ago come this weekend. A year ago I was in a pretty bad place in my life. I thought my life was over, literally I'd wake up some days, wishing I was dead. I thought I'd never get past it, that I wouldn't ever be happy again. I finally woke up one day and told myself I was tired of being sad, that I couldn't cry another tear, and that it wasn't helping anyway, so why let him ruin my life. So I got up, and got ready, and went out with my best friend and stopped feeling sorry for myself. Which, I thought meant everything would be back to normal. Little did I know that making myself feel better wasn't the hardest part. The biggest obstacle of all was getting everyone else to stop feeling sorry for me. I got soooo sick of hearing how sorry other people felt for me. My family were especially bad about this. I love them to death but if I heard my mom tell me one more time how sad she felt for me, or see the pain in my dad's eyes every time I tried to mention his name, I was gonna SNAP! I wasn't angry with him anymore, I wished no harm on him, but they were furious, they probably still are. Life happened, and it happened to not be one of the best times of my life, but I lived through it and am now for the better.

If you would have told me that I could possibly feel this kind of love for another person just a few short months after it all ended, I would have told you that you were out of your mind NUTS! But I do. I met the most amazing, loving man I've ever met not long after I stopped feeling sorry for myself. Isn't it amazing what you can find when you're no longer looking for it? He healed me, made me feel whole again. A lot of people thought it was a rebound fling. Hey people, guess what, we've been together for 11 months now. So there! :) He's amazing, and he makes me happier than I've probably ever been. Like one of my best friends said last night...I got a good one! :) Love you babe. Well, I should get back to work now. More will come later.